I am thankful for the blog format to be able to supplement my thoughts found on the main portion of my website, and to share what may be helpful from an autobiographical perspective, certainly from the process of my thoughts and what I feel to be important for here.
I will try and share a belief I have in the therapeutic process, incorporating recent blog entry ideas, and my experience as a therapist.
Invariably it would seem that helping a person create space for herself or himself begins the process of therapy: space for being able to take downtime from others, demands, responsibilities, what takes one away from the potential to know oneself more.
To supplement or allow this to happen as gracefully as possible, I advocate for the communication style known as assertiveness, as opposed to disrespecting oneself through passive communication, or disrespecting others through aggressive communication. Assertiveness respects oneself and others, and I am not sure as human beings that we will find a better approach for dealing with conflict, or perhaps more to the point for this blog entry, for being able to set the boundaries needed for taking space and time for oneself.
Helping to inform this process as it unfolds is the before mentioned Virgin's Promise universal story that was discovered recently in narrative structures from around the world, from stories throughout history. Once the space has been created, the boundaries set, you are beginning to embark on the opportunity for self-discovery, for furthering this process.
You are becoming more open to doing what you enjoy, what you love, what seems to be meaningful for your life, certainly what is fun, playful, does not come from a sense of need, but from a sense of wanting to do whatever you are doing.
This becomes a way of being, a way of doing in the world, informed by the Virgin's Promise story structure. For further explanation, it becomes important to share what the words "Virgin's Promise" means.
Author Kim Hudson used the word "Virgin" to describe this universal story structure, because the stories involve someone having worth and value for simply being, not for how somebody can be used, or for what they should do. Like a virgin forest, they have value without being cut down or made into a more manageable size for someone else. We have value for simply being ourselves. She uses the word "Virgin" then for describing these stories, because in them people are being themselves, and are being led and empowered by this.
The word "Promise" means the initial promise or commitment one seemingly has to one's environment, one that is limiting or constraining to oneself in some way. It also means the promise, as in potential, that one has within oneself that will undoubtedly challenge the environment, the potential that will liberate oneself from the environment's constraints. This two-fold promise means the commitment then to the limitation of the environment or community one finds oneself in, and the potential one has to be free of that particular environment's constraints, by being oneself.
The Virgin's Promise story structure, after one has created the space to discover more about oneself, maps out the potential for being oneself, for doing what one enjoys and loves, thereby empowering one to become free from past limitations and constraints, where one may find oneself at the beginning of therapy.
This potential for happiness within may continually lead one deeper, the steps of realizing one's happiness and potential continually cycling, spiraling, ever deepening, until one may touch on peak moments, which happen as one continues to explore one's happiness, setting boundaries, allowing oneself to live from a sense of love, not from a place of fear or need.
Granted, living from love purely versus from any fear, these are descriptions of two ends of a spectrum, where the love and fear fluctuate at times as motivational factors. I believe, however, we do come to maintain the gains we realize when living more from a sense of love than from fear.
This brings me to a place that, for whatever reasons, I was able to experience in a true and deep way when I was an adolescent, if not younger. I will share it as being behind the veil, behind the workings of things, the glimpse deep into the knowings beyond our regular knowings, and the preciousness and reality one finds.
I will not separate it from science, and I will use an example from science that you may have encountered before. Once you get past the structure of the atom, which most certainly, not coincidentally, is 99.9% space, and you get into its subatomic particles, those which make up the parts of the atom itself, you are looking at the limits of what our science can currently measure.
Subatomic particles, depending on how they are observed, either appear as waves of energy, or as particles of matter, and if I am recollecting correctly, these particles, whether energy or like matter, blink in and out of existence at this truly microscopic smaller-than-an-atom level. We can simply predict where they may potentially appear, as they blink in and out of appearance using our current tools of scientific measurement.
When we continue to explore ourselves then, giving ourselves the literal space to do that, whether in our time away from others or from the seemingly required commitments of life, we give ourselves the opportunity to go deeper into our potential, to see what may come up, what we may enjoy, what we may be inspired to do. The word spiritual can be used for these practices, and the experiences that come from them, when we are able to step into that space, to give ourselves that time, to be truly present with it, without distractions. It is like stepping behind the functioning of what we may expect every day, behind the seemingly solid mass of whatever we may think our lives to be.
Beyond the space of our hurried and fear-led lives then, there is another place, a place of truer space, where we do touch on a place, where love can emerge, and where we can be inspired, and understand what it is and truly means to be living our lives from our potential.
As deep as you want to go into your understanding, this journey will continue, and be more of a seeing beyond the everyday, with its ability to satisfy only to a certain extent. The journey I enjoy traveling, and traveling with others now, connects me with a belief that we are all on a journey to understand, with our own abilities to humanly measure, what lies beneath presented reality, a reality of the everyday, to an understanding that registers on a more precious level, a level full of meaning and human potential, of a tenderly and truly experienced love.
Mark Newlon, feeling the embrace of the sacred feminine daily!
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