When I realized the spiritual path I had been walking for most of my life discounted or perhaps unwisely discounted the everyday experiences we all go through, this came at a time when I had just finished important self-discoveries with the work I had been doing with someone, helping to guide this person spiritually, taking it as seriously and uprightly as I could, feeling a lot of love, powerful love, in fact, on a level that I sustained, more than I ever have before and since, consistently, for months on end, it would seem. Really having no placeholder for love in the traditions I knew, but knowing this was the path I was taking, openly, conscientiously, in constant dialogue with this person about, it probably should have come as no surprise that when our time together was over, the void, the absence, the bewilderment of no longer being able to find a place for this love, save for myself, uncovered the raw truth of a spiritual path devoid of the everyday, which certainly means the best of it, which is human love.
What this discovery brought me to was the realization I needed more of, if only a small fraction of, the love I had been giving at such a high level, and by this I mean at a full-bodied spiritual level, as in my whole body was like a beacon, a conduit, a very blessed vessel, having felt like that, of giving love. Surely, after I regained my sense of myself again after the transition from not giving that to someone else--surely some of this, just a little of it, for myself would not be out of the question. In fact, I felt challenged to do this, and I keep doing this. Along the way of and approaching this experience of exposure of the need for love, in traditions I had followed for my life, I came across, most thankfully, a tradition that does embrace the path of love, and the everyday, and the body, and anything, really, all phenomena.
I reluctantly share it here, but perhaps the time is right: Tantra. I am speaking of the natural giving and receiving of loving energy that I felt in my helping guide the person, and the paths in written form laid out by those who somewhat consciously follow it, and those steeped in the tradition of Tantra.
It is not opposed to any other path. It ultimately is not opposed to anything, and because at its core understandings it believes in the reality of expression and existence, as an expression from that far removed place I came to know quite well from other traditions, this path was the path I wished I had followed--because it would not have set up the lack I was starving and craving, this sense of worth as a human being, this sense of love for myself, at a very genuine and tender level. Selfishness does not exist here, at this level.
When I recall the level of love I experienced at a high spiritual level, for someone else, for their benefit alone, that was what I was desiring and craving, at a basic human level of need, for myself. After coming down from sharing that, and being able to share it no more as I had, it made complete sense to find out how love fit into the spiritual path, and not at a sentimental level.
Tantra kept showing up, keeps showing up.
I am particular about my Tantra, it being reduced to sexuality in the West, at least historically it has. That is not what I am saying when I say Tantra.
For me, to expound on elsewhere, it is about love, at a raw and real level, no illusions or boundaries, no room for anything else, but a presence, a genuineness, all the ingredients that two can experience and help unveil what is ready to be seen, a truth that embraces the rawness of reality, a sweetness, and a depth.
Mark Newlon, feeling the embrace of the sacred feminine daily!
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