What has informed my understanding of life and pretty much everything for all of my adult existence has been the philosophy of Vedanta.

This obviously finds its way into my work with others.

It is a philosophy put forth in Hinduism, although it embraces so much understanding and covers so much ground that it aligns itself well with other traditions, even atheism.

In trying to formulate it, I will attempt to connect it to my counseling practice.

We are all hiding from ourselves and wanting to realize who we are, thus says Vedanta, or my paraphrasing of one of its basic concepts.

This goes along well with the ideas of psychologist Carl Rogers, who spoke of naturally going towards being who we are, saying that wholeness comes from aligning with ourselves, stemming from our natural tendency for healing and being ourselves wholly.

Vedanta says we are already at our destination, of self-realization, but we are working through any obstacles or obstructions on our path so we can remember this.

I believe this classically has been described as the veils of our mind preventing us from such realization.

Counseling helps us to uncover this, our true nature, helping us to align with our path more, helping us to remove any conditioning or self-limiting ideas which obstruct us.

What I hesitate to share and communicate, which even when I do, reality or the reality of this world might have a built-in mechanism for limiting--we are all at this destination already, one of great peace, one of great love, one of great understanding, which surpasses all we can ever enunciate or articulate.

Meditation helps us to realize this, which I like to describe as a place underneath each moment, one of peace and well-being, which we can learn to access more easily and more frequently as we practice our meditation regularly.

Christianity may refer to this as heaven, as in the kingdom of God (or heaven) is among you (or within you).  Buddhism may call this the realization of truth or the Dharma.

Hinduism calls this simply the Self, the ultimate version of who we are, just waiting for us to uncover, remember, and realize.

I find myself returning to a place I have actually been for almost 30 years now.  You may think of it as a portal or a doorway from one place to another, one experience of existence to another.  For me, this place encompasses all of reality, and I try and realize it as often as I can.  Not nurturing the reality of my being here in this place, I lose myself, as I try and pretend myself into something or someone I am not.

Ironically, the place I am referring to confers no great sense of self or much of a sense of self at all, but that has been my reality for close to 30 years.

Let me see if I can share more about this.

When your journey takes you to the core of a place, whether you complete that journey or you are taken from it, it having consumed and been all you were about, this resulting portal or doorway which opens up may be experienced as an immense freedom, or in the case of the journey being taken from you, it may be experienced as traumatic in some measure--more importantly I feel, this experience opens you to a being-ness of peace.  Because if you allow yourself to be with the fruit of your journey, resulting from a single-minded focus on this one thing or by going deep into this one thing or place, or again, if you have this type of journey removed from you, yourself having identified and invested so much of yourself in it, the only reality really present in those moments afterward can be akin to a void of peace, a spaciousness, a sense of otherworldly openness beyond any previous conception you may have had of anything similar, unless you have had the experience before.

This place, I am truly at all the time, although I try and function in the world in a way which necessarily pokes my head out from this doorway and portal, for me to do what I have to do in this so called real world.

For me I am on this side of the door where the spaciousness and void exists, a truly peaceful place, but which challenges all understandings and abilities to conceive and hang onto any thoughts or notions.

I access this place while embodied on the other side of it, while seemingly functioning in the apparent real world, by focusing on the doorway of my heart in meditation, the akasha or space of truth existing within all of us, potentially accessed during meditation--I focus on the relatively smaller doorway there in my heart, allowing this voidness and spaciousness there to be in my being and be in the room where I am meditating, where others are at when I am leading meditation.

This communicates a real peace in the apparently real world.

Eastern understandings actually put forth the idea that this true world on the other side of the doorway I speak of is really there and around us all the time--we just are trying to recall and remember this.

For me, I try hard not to forget it because it means everything to me and is my reality and touchstone and keeps me, ironically, in touch with some sense of my self in the embodied world we all know.

But I am not truly there.

And perhaps neither are you.

​This has been my journey, continuing to poke my head out from this portal of peace.
​

I will have been in private practice seven years as of this Thursday, December 15.  I have been doing counseling for a total of eleven years, which includes time at my internship and in leading groups in mental health agencies.

I enjoy the process, seeing others come to better places, and feel my abilities to be with others in empathy and in insight, of where and who they are, and where they want to be, this all continues to make a difference.

I am also back in my hometown for my practice location, just having moved my location, happily anticipating leading group meditations in person again there and helping others in sessions within a peaceful and quiet space.

This season of transition for me seems to be letting up a bit now, so I am happy for that, for my health and my ability to help out.

Eleven as a number may be seen to be the meeting of two individuals (the upright positions of the number ones coming together).

May this season be one of more and more peace, for any and all important to you, including yourself, and the possibility of a deepening relationship with mystery, with the mystery of life and its many wonders.

I have tried setting aside Tuesdays for writing, so I am able to do this again today, on a Tuesday, and am sharing a bit behind the veil of my personal practice here.

I have had deeper experiences outside of regular, everyday life in Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism, and I continually try and make this my waking, sleeping, dreaming reality, every moment of my existence if possible.

I mean, I do not actively, I hope, push for this, but I am aligned with this goal, try to live it, and I think trying to help others experience reality at a deeper or truer level like this falls in line.

Those understandings, this reality I know, that is the best I offer.

When I have the time, and ideally I would be able to do it more, I offer myself up in meditations, breaking them down in my conception into 15-minute offerings.  I generally meditate for 30 minutes, so I am generally able to offer myself up a couple of times when I meditate.

In alignment with the equivalent of rosary beads in Hinduism--they are called malas. with a bead count of 108--I try and meditate, offer myself up 108 times in meditation throughout a month.

I am a bit behind for July, and am feeling it, although I had a good start to the month.

Basically, I wanted to write something today, so I am, but I have had personal matters to attend to going on a solid week, if not longer, so I am happy to share this bit of my practice now and am heading off to meditation again here.

I am nothing if not inspired by, and take solace and sustenance in, time to myself, felt most vividly, and perhaps most deeply, when late at night.

If people align or walk themselves most truly at certain times of the day, then a large portion of my time would be at night, when not many, or hardly any, are around, if any at all.

It may be complete darkness then, or pert near, as my grandmother at times said, but the idea approaches nothingness, an absence, a void even.

At one end of the spectrum you find a willingness, or a need, to go beyond the regular realms and times of daylight, of the daylight hours, a time when we most ingest and take part in and co-create the reality we think we know, or we certainly try making.

But that for me has never quite been reality.

The untraceable memory of truth within us, which ever guides and leads us in life, points to us lifting back the regular world of ideas and the days of everyday life, which we find to just be how things are.

There is another world, and I think you can most taste it in those alone times, not lonely, although that can occur.

At night, in this place, the moonlight as gentle knowledge, here you will find, to my mind, a peace and an ease, a more natural way to understand.

The work I do becomes intimately informed by what I know from this place, this time, although the time I am referring to now is hours away from when I am posting this.

What to do in the daylight?

I try and not get caught up with what we all know, and try to remember what I do know, perhaps unique from this place.

It lines up with the deeper understanding I feel essential in life.

To be who we are we have to be able to be in a place as this.

I am glad to value this place and time as I do, and I am happy to share with you from here.

I feel like I have finally come to a place where I can share openly, if not completely so, the knowledge I have that has meant so much to me throughout my life.

This knowledge I can share will be on a path unique to each person, but it translates into freedom for everyone, a loving sense of being, a peaceful sense of existence; it is dynamic and powerful, loving and human.

It accepts no authority, but your own.

In the ultimate sense, it is authority for everyone.

When looking at the basic processes of alchemy, in which a material becomes purified to a point of perfection, reaching its own innate essence or self, the final destination becomes colored red.

This may symbolize the material's own innate perfection achieved.  It may also signify its ability to change other materials into their own perfected states.

This, I am so happy to have discovered, perhaps urged on silently by the work of Carl Jung, who himself found in alchemy so much rich meaning for his own discovered understandings of how we reach for wholeness.

I will say I have come across this perfected material before, sometimes called a stone, throughout my life.

A most recent encounter with it shaped myself and the beginnings of my practice, introducing the sacred feminine to me in a way I had not known.  The importance of self-love was pointed out, not in a distorted way, but in a way which had me feeling more whole.

Reading books on the subject, I found in the sacred feminine a suppressed understanding, lineages or potential lineages of women who incorporated everyday living into their daily practice.

If a path of truth were to be walked, discarding everyday life and love did not seem healthy based on the recent experiences I had had at the time.

I encountered the red thread designation of Meggan Watterson, which harkened back to the women of the past I was discovering.

Completely separate from her, I found out there was a Red Thread Zen practice, incorporating everyday living into its unique form of Buddhism.

There are other encounters with this color, and I will come to another of them in a moment, but when I discovered in alchemy just recently the path of making this treasured material, perfected in itself and which could transform others as well, I was shown how I could incorporate all of my path in a way which could be communicated to others, the symbolism of alchemy and its processes having paved the way with their precedents.

Repeated from a previous post, here are the sequences of changes when transforming a material into its perfected state, signified by color change and including my own interpretation of what each stage means.  Transforming oneself, as well as other materials, has been a goal of alchemy historically.

Black - a distillation of ourselves past the everyday world and mind talk.
White - insights and information gained from the experience as we return.
Red - living our lives changed from the knowledge of our experience.

While I had very deeply and clearly encountered my own personal experiences of the first two stages of alchemy, not until I encountered the need of the sacred feminine in such a fundamental way could I have found meaning in the third stage, even though I had experienced it in my own way, if not highlighted or talked about in the traditions I had followed.

Without elaborating on this, I will simply say that any tradition that advises practice and discipline away from others or from even basic human sexual understanding, without honoring either of them, or without honoring the connecting human link we have to all, this potentially complicates the path, sometimes to an alarming degree.

You may reach a state of understanding without consciously honoring our humanity or sexuality, but depending on the degree of neglect, this will return at some point to challenge you.

A religion, for instance, may honor a removal of oneself from the world to gain insights and understanding, as in the first two stages of alchemy, but it may not have much to say on how to be a human and work with these.  This represents a feminine addition to the knowledge, to my mind, and to my heart, for a more complete understanding, for how to humanly work with this knowledge and any insight gained.

Traditional Tantra represents such a complete path as I have outlined, as alchemy has put forth.  I have been excited and heartened to discover we have had a Western approach, in alchemy, to a complete path to realizing the truth of who we are, which we are all going towards, whether we know it or not.

Traditional Tantra has been the most complete path I have ever encountered, predating religion as we know it, captured and intimated somehow in the stages of process outlined in alchemy for reaching perfection.

Traditional Tantra has come from India, followed closely by, perhaps around the same time and around the same region, the teachings of Vedanta.  Whereas Vedanta follows more closely the first two stages of alchemy, traditional Tantra, which I will refer to as simply Tantra now--Tantra emphatically emphasizes the third stage of alchemy, incorporating red most vividly in some of its esoteric practices.

The practice of helping others in my life has come to this point of my journey, to be able to follow a Western set of guidelines for Eastern practices, which incorporate the entirety of a path to wholeness, to realizing the truth of who we are.

I will have more to say about the degrees of subtlety found in the three stages of process, the three ways or pathways of alchemy, which capture the full journey of anyone who honors being human as part of it.

I wanted to commemorate ten years of counseling as of tomorrow (December 1, 2021), this comprised of leading groups for adults with severe and persistent illnesses for three years, one year combined of helping others in internship and practicum at universities, as well as six years now of private practice work, helping adults of all identities with their concerns.

What do I do, are my specialties, where am I at in terms of my evolution as a counselor?

I sometimes in fun say I follow the theory of the two Carls: Carl Rogers and Carl Jung.

I am first and foremost an empathetic counselor, putting my energy into understanding whomever I am helping in a way that simply desires the best for that person, however that may look, whatever that may be, knowing this may change over time and take different pathways to arrive there.

For Carl Jung, the above being the cornerstone of Carl Rogers' approach, called Rogerian counseling--Carl Jung believed in the healing ability of the psyche, as do I, as it helps us to know what we need to for being more whole as a person, bringing to our attention those areas we have neglected, allowing them to come to the surface of our awareness when we least expect them, so we can work on this material, however unpleasant the process or these areas may be at times.

For helping others with trauma I make use of the very Rogerian Narrative Exposure Therapy.  Making a more complete memory of what happened through this approach helps us to make sense of what transpired, providing more understanding and peace as well, in the context of our entire life.  This approach becomes an intense but powerful experience of reliving memories in a more understanding way, with more peace resulting as well.

It just works.

I enjoy leading others in meditation also, giving them access to that place underneath any moment, which becomes an experience of peace and well-being, available more and more as we continue to go there and do this on a regular basis.

That sums up my main and what could be considered more traditional approaches to helping others.  Adding to this now I would say are the evolutionary extensions of these approaches.

When I speak about the sacred feminine in person or on this site, I am in some ways talking about the cultural material and area and related areas I feel we all are needing to or do finally look at, what the collective sense of ourselves needs to be aware of to be more whole, the balance to the learned and ingrained ways of production and success and goals, the driving treadmill of life that never seems to stop or allow ourselves our humanity.

When I first expressed the sacred feminine on the site, the emphasis was and still is in some ways on the just being with this love, this love within, the love of the universe, which I truly feel awaits us all, past our conditioning and our concerns.

To actively be with this love, this sense of a universe that loves, as a fundamental way of being, this became the next area to evolve into--how does one live and still abide in this love?

Downtime away from it all, these are moments to find inspiration and guidance in, an opportunity to be with the sacred feminine, the energy represented there.

To do past this, however, once the inspiration is found, this I never want to fall back into the treadmill of life, into any imprisoning ways of being.  As a result, magick, magick becomes an active way of knowing, of gaining the answers, and perhaps, as implied in my approach and messages on here, this becomes a way of actively changing and shaping reality, for our better selves, or in whichever ways one feels led.

Magick, if in no other way, represents the sacred feminine as a more balanced and empowered way of actively living, of actively being and doing in the world, one which does not forsake the wisdom of intuition, that does not forgo our humanity, or lessen ourselves for anyone.

These are the recent additions to my practice, as I continue to enjoy evolving and helping others.

We are the dream, dreaming the dream, and I simply want to help you enjoy yours.

[Historical note: When I mention this past month in this post, I am referring to September of 2021, when I did have COVID-19, but within a couple of weeks, after feeling better without a fever, I was cleared by the state health department to be out and about in the world once again and to be able to help others once more in September.]

Before old habits and thoughts potentially take their accustomed place again, I want to share what seems relevant and meaningful from having had COVID-19 over this past month.  I also could never express enough my thoughts and feelings regarding COVID-19, particularly for those who have been touched by it in any way.

I have mostly found in my life, perhaps more so when I was younger and certainly over this past month, when I am sick I am able to reach a level of peacefulness at some point, where I am almost completely removed from the everyday world.  I have described myself in other posts as being a mystic, and I think a door for me at these times opens: I am able to just be with my understanding of what the universe is at a larger level.

When I have just only been able to rest, or sit peacefully, or stare even, with hardly a thought to be had, and if this is experienced without the feeling of bodily symptoms or concerns hardly at all, this approximates or is the experience of being a mystic, a similar experience to be found in meditation as well.

One step at a time becomes the approach when coming out of this experience.  The energy expended is just towards each next step.  The energy level is low, but it does not have room for more egoistic concerns, other than just for survival and for being well.  We want to be in this state almost exclusively, it would seem, for our health and for continuing to live.  When other concerns of an everyday nature come up, which we have to expend more energy to meet, we do not want to expend the energy to address them, but we know we must in order to survive.

These all describe my general sense of living: I do not want to do much else other than be at one with, feel that oneness with, the universe or God, if you will.  Worldly or other concerns at times weigh me down and take me away from that state and that feeling, that knowledge of being at one like that.  The trick or the ideal is to feel that oneness, that quality of just being, without the extraneous thoughts, in all circumstances and at all times.

Having had COVID-19 basically enforced this perspective of reality, and I enjoyed it in that sense, that I was hovering as a person in existence at that threshold of just being with the universe, while retaining some sense of myself, and almost dissolving completely in that experience of oneness.  Again, and very accurate: this is how coming closer to and merging with an understanding of the universe is, how a mystical experience comes to be experienced and felt.

Coming back now into everyday life, I see now how my energy becomes expended or is easily tempted to be expended.  I am still somewhat fighting these old habits and tendencies.

What I hope to retain from my time having COVID-19 is the meaningful application and expenditure of my time, which means my energy, and the furthest from my ideal would be to expend my time and energy on worries and concerns that I expend just for the habit of worries and concerns.

This I do not find to be helpful at all, and as I trusted in my body and the universe during my time with COVID-19, I also want to continue to trust in my own inclinations towards healthy ways of living, which include happy ways of living, and in the universe for guiding me and just being with me, maybe even to the point of the universe handling what seem like major concerns or what to worry about but actually are not.

Time needs to be honored each step of the way, for what feels right to you, never pressing the panic button to change reality into something it is not.

When time and self become thinner and seem to vanish, this again would be a mystical experience, and it actually describes living in a fulfilling way, if one is enjoyably being or doing whatever it is one is doing.

With COVID-19 I was surviving, hoping each moment and step to come out the other side, feeling that oneness at times with the universe or God, certainly some real presence Who I hoped had my back.  I certainly enjoyed feeling the closeness then.

Now I can say I can see where our energy may travel, where we may expend it in thoughts that may fritter it away.

It is my hope that we know a real connection to ourselves and to the universe, for our own guidance within and for what the universe can provide.

Perhaps it is a narrower door to travel through, or to keep finding ourselves needing to walk through, than the regular thoroughfares and passageways we walk in life.

The time and energy spent to go there, I think, are completely worth it.  If you are not shown this doorway through your own life circumstances, then I hope you can find it through beginning to trust in yourself and your own ideas and notions of what may be the right path to travel.

The universe has your back, I feel this, and this takes trust and surrender.

Being a mystic, I think this is the only way to live.

Much peace and comfort to you, with a deep connection to yourself and the universe.

During this changing of the seasons, I thought it appropriate to share a letter from long ago, from a sannyasin or monk of the Ramakrishna Order to a student in California.

Letter excerpted from the book, Spiritual Treasures: Letters of Swami Turiyananda (edited by Swami Chetanananda).

I hope you enjoy, and enjoy the season.

"Rishikesh
17 February 1914

Dear X,
The life of renunciation is the only life that can make us truly happy. No other life can ever do so. It is certain that one day we shall have to give up everything whether we want to or not. It is much better to give it up gladly and freely before we are compelled to do so. But if one cannot do that, the next best course is to turn everything over to Mother and abide by her decree. Know her to be the only guide in life under all conditions. Pleasure and pain pass away. They do not last long. We gather knowledge through experience; and by not identifying ourselves with pain or pleasure we gain freedom. Be always content with what Mother ordains. She knows what is best for us. Such a life also brings peace and consolation; and then the world can do us no harm.

You are Mother's children; you need not be afraid of the world. Be devoted to her and she will take care of you. She alone is Real. All else is vanity and vexation. Did not Jesus say, 'What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose is own soul?' Mother is the Soul of our souls. If we have her we no longer care much for the things of this world.

The world goes on its way and will continue to do so for all eternity. But he who sees Mother in everything and knows for certain that it is all her play will have rest for his soul and peace within. May we see her hand and guidance in everything. May she bless us.

Yours in the Mother,
Turiyananda"

The subject of this post, I find this to be so important for living, to not try, to not try as we might normally do, to be able to surrender to these moments, for it is in them we find renewal from the efforts we would normally expend, from whatever we have set out trying to do, to spend perhaps wasted energy on moments better spent in this mystery.

We are renewed and made whole in these moments.

We may find answers we were not expecting or awaiting.

We cannot carry on in life without this mystery or what it represents.

Why not honor that which we do not know, or partially know, as if hidden in veils, rather than struggle with the shock of ignorance or cluelessness that continues and always surfaces as a part of life?

Surrender, and honor this mystery.

We may give it names, but the mystery remains, and so shall we, in more peace, in more alignment with our path as we give mystery its proper place and due.

(In the spirit of mystery, I have simplified this site once again, hiding a few menu items, but keeping their references, or at least the elements of their spirit, in these posts.)